This Is My Goal (Not Yours)
You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper, and it would vanish – it was so fragile.
These are the words of Marcus Aurelius speaking to Maximus in Gladiator. Silly maybe, but this what always pops up in my mind whenever I’m asked about my goals or how my running is coming along. I find myself almost afraid to speak about my future running plans or cheerfully say that my foot is all better because as satisfied as I was with my race performances before the fracture, I still feel like a failure. More than that, I couldn’t do the one simple thing in life that I really enjoy. I also hated the fact that I proved so many doubters right (or at least they thought they were right) – that I was going to get injured. At the end of the day though, they may or may not have been right but that is another blog to come, I hope. It has also been a tough road coming back with several foot pain scares that dragged my 12-week forced vacation from running to nearly 18. I’m going chance it today and say I feel great. Very confident that everything is and will continue to be OK. I feel very strong physically and mentally — I am just in a happy place and that makes this slow starting journey much easier.
Right now I am starting my second week of running – sporadic running, no particular program for the first 4 weeks. Just getting a feel for where I am now and establishing a base so I can begin a real 18-week marathon training program that will land me at the starting line of LA Marathon next year.
My goals now are much different than before, I want to focus on a timed goal instead of how many I can cram into my schedule in one year. I remember when I decided to do CIM – my first real marathon, I was very strict with my training program after nearly a 10 year break from competitive running (dear God I am old). I had to prove to myself that I was indeed a decent runner – running (jogging) 3 – 5 miles every so often while wearing cotton sweats and tee shirt wasn’t cutting it. I had even told myself if I did horribly, I would just continue running for the fun of it and not worry about my times anymore.
Having said all this, I think I am back but just not ready to tell you that my next goal is 2:59:59. Yep – true. Maybe impossible but I won’t know if I don’t try and I have 6 months of training to prepare. I’d say that is plenty of time. Someone told me last night not to worry about failing because the ones that love me will never think less of me if I fail and the ones who judge me are the ones I shouldn’t care about anyway. I think he was right – thank you for putting that into perspective.
Thank you to all my running friends (some posted below) that kept me sane until this point – I owe you big time!